Wednesday, November 18, 2009

The Sad Death of Sporti

So, back when I realized that I could go out and do stuff, I had one tiny obstacle. Ok, two obstacles, and, well, they weren't that tiny at all. The problem was, when I exercised, my knees were getting bruised. Not because I have bad knees, but because I did not have a good sports bra. Fortunately, this was back before the internet got really weird, and a google search for "DD sports bra" only returned 2,000 porn sites. Once I sifted past the porn, I found a website called I heard angels sing when I discovered sports bras and shorts and activewear that was made just for fat chicks! It was so incredible and glorious to discover a store that realizes that all fat chicks don't just sit around on their butts! I immediately ordered new shorts and some sports bras.

One particular bra, I called her "Sporti," and I became fast friends. We hiked Idaho, and Wyoming, and Colorado together. We moved south together and waded through swamps, and hammocks and scrub. We did pepper busting, mangrove planting and yard work together. It was such a joyous 10+ years together.

But alas, all good things must come to an end... (cue the dramatic music here.) A few months ago, after a long hike though a swamp, David and I were driving home. I was driving, and I felt something on my shoulder under my shirt. I reached under my shirt to feel for whatever it was, and suddenly, there was shaking, and crying from under my shirt... "I... I... I can't take it anymore! I've been stressed to the limit!" and with no other warning, Sporti died, right as we were driving. When my hand emerged from under my shirt, it brought with it some shards of elastic which were all that was holding her together.

Had I known, I would have tried to do something to help her. Oh, sure, there were signs, a few rips here and there, stains, the fact that my boobs hit my knees when I wore it, but still, I really didn't think the poor old bra would ever just up and die like that. I brought her home and washed her and put her back in the drawer. Deep inside, I knew that I should probably just let her go, but after all we have been through together, a part of me wanted to believe that maybe we still have a few hikes left together, maybe a few trips to the gym... heck, maybe I could rebuild her, I mean, look what they did with Jaime Sommers!

But alas. It has been a few months now, and I see the shredded carcass of Sporti every time I open my underwear drawer, and I'm thinking, maybe it's time to let her go. So I turn to you, dear readers, to ask for advice. What do you think should become of Sporti?

a) Make her into art
b) Turn her into a kitty hammock (two kitties can swing at once!)
c) Cremation, then burial at sea
d) Make her into the official DeeMotivation flag and fly her proudly at future events

Reply to this post with your vote or suggestions of your own. And, in case you think I am making this story up, here is a final portrait of Sporti:

Comments from original blog:

(Anonymous) at 2009-11-20 00:19 (UTC) (Link)
Alas, poor Sporti

I vote for turning it into an artsy kitty hammock.

- Jeff
Select:(Reply) (Thread)
(Anonymous) at 2009-11-20 00:40 (UTC) (Link)

I think you should make a christmas stocking out it. Richard had an old white tee shirt with a little hole in it and when Reilly was a baby he would stick his little finger in the hole and say something really funny. I made Reilly a Christmas stocking and lined it with the tee shirt, circled the hole and wrote the story of how he stuck his finger in the whole and would laugh! KEEP IT!

LOVE the memoir of Sporti! I am so enjoying your site! KEEP IT UP!

No comments:

Post a Comment