Monday, February 8, 2010

Anger is an energy

One of the things that I do, and I know from talking to other women who struggle with weight issues they do it too, is we torture ourselves with negative self talk. I am lazy, I am stupid, fat=worthless. One of the things that I have learned after years of therapy is that, quite simply, none of those things are true.

Although I heard those things from others as a kid, as an adult I generally don't hear that kind of things from other people. But it does still happen occasionally; people actually still say those things to me that I have spent years trying to stop saying to myself. The difference now is in how I react to it. I'm not going to lie -- it still hurts just as much as it did when I was a kid. But now, after the initial hurt, I get angry, and the more I like myself the quicker I get angry.

There is a great line from the song "Rise" by PiL: "Anger is an energy!" I love the song, but haven't listened to it in a long time (it just happens to be the Right Now! song of the day above.) Anyway, it popped into my head recently after someone said something to me that is usually the kind of thing I only hear from myself. I'm not going to repeat it here, it's not important, but what is important is that, yeah, I cried for a while, but then I put on my iPod and got on with my life. I had too much to do to sit in a corner self-flagellating. Instead, I used the energy in a positive way.

And that is what moving on is about for me -- liking myself enough to recognize that someone else is being a jerk, and being able to get past it quickly and in one piece.

Your mission for this week, if you choose to accept it -- if someone hurts you -- put on your iPod and dance. You don't deserve anything less.

Just a reminder...

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Sunday, February 7, 2010

(Belated) Friday Goals

My goals for this weekend were:
  • Go kayaking -- We made it closer this time. We actually made it all the way to the river. Unfortunately there were very strong winds and a small craft advisory. I am neither a strong kayaker nor swimmer and we decided against attempting to go out. Once again, we will reschedule this trip.
  • Work on the crabs -- I spent a lot of time on this. It's going well.
It wasn't particularly a goal, but I did get David to sign up at the gym with me. Back home I had a gym buddy (hi, Jeff!) and it really makes a difference having someone to drag me out and having someone who I am responsible for dragging out as well. Tomorrow is supposed to be our first day. I shaved my legs (so I can wear shorts) and charged my iPod, so I am already for it!