Sunday, October 10, 2010

The Decision

So, after much, much thought, I decided against having the lapband replaced. There were many contributing factors, and I sincerely appreciate everyone who share their thoughts with me on it, and I really appreciate all of the support I've received. The decision wasn't an easy one. I pretty much decided early on that I would not have it replaced, but the insecurity that's messed with my head for the last 2 years made me second guess myself pretty much till I woke up in the recovery room.

As angry as I've been, and as stupid as I've felt, I do think I have learned a lot over the last 2 years, and I think it's important to document what I have learned from this experience for anyone thinking of getting a lapband who might stumble across this blog:
  • First and foremost: 
    • Fear of vomiting is not the same thing as learning how to eat right.
    • Fear of vomiting is not the same thing as learning how to deal with issues with food and weight.
  • If you have ANY medical issue and you feel like your doctor isn't listening to you, FIND ANOTHER DOCTOR. I know my body, and any doctor who thinks otherwise can go fry.
  • As mentioned in previous posts, I've never been hungry in my life. This was probably the most important thing I learned. I did not get to be morbidly obese eating only when I was hungry, even if the lapband hadn't been defective, I still would not have succeeded with it for this reason alone. 
  • I am fairly active, and my nutritional needs simply do not coincide with the dietary restrictions required for the lapband.
So -- where am I today? Well, I had the surgery to remove the lapband last Thursday. I'm home now, recovering well. The first day, the pain felt like I had done 100,000,000 situps. Today, it's down to about 2000. Although I can't get back to lifting weights for 2 weeks, I expect to get back to the gym and cardio tomorrow.

I have been seeing a nutritionist for a few weeks. She suggested getting rid of my scale altogether, stop driving myself crazy with the number. I've been working out, doing 5ks, feeling great and yet I still let the number make me crazy. So, the scale is gone. I have the jibblies from not being able to weigh in everyday, but as I've mentioned in previous posts, I am more than a number on a scale, getting rid of it once and for all was one of my final frontiers.

Late Wednesday, the day before surgery, I expressed my concerns and self-doubts to my friend Richard. I told him I was afraid that I would come home from the surgery and, despite the fact that I know that the lapband was defective and not doing anything, I would still want to eat the world once it was removed. Richard stated that I woudn't do that -- he said I am a different person than I was 3 years ago. As usual, he was right. I am confident now that it was the right choice for me.

Onward and upward!

PS. I underestimated my recover time and had to cancel today's walk. We have rescheduled for next week though and will meet at the Pelican Island main lot to walk Pete's Impoundment next Sunday at 4:30. Hope to see you there!

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