Sillyness

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Sillyness

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From Curly to Larry in 5 Months

(To my regular readers, sorry I haven't posted lately, been working way too much lately!)

A few weeks ago, I talked David into going to the gym with me. When he is home, we have gone together almost every day for a few weeks now. When he is not home, he calls me at 6:00 am to remind me to haul my butt out of bed and go the gym. That is good motivation :-) Not that he harasses me, but that he cares enough to call.

I must admit though that I tend to get way too easily discouraged. It's easy to come and blog here and tell other people what to do, a lot harder to actually do those things myself. Recently I've struggled with the fact that I've been going to the gym almost every day for 3 weeks and have managed to gain 4 pounds. I know this isn't about a number. I said that on my very first blog post. But there is still that little voice inside me that is driven insane by the number.

So anyway, I'm trying not go get discouraged. Another thing I do to make myself crazy is I tell myself that I am not doing enough. Quiz time -- can someone remember the basic mantra of this web site? It's "Doing something is better than sitting on the couch doing nothing" Yeah, some days I might not get as much cardio in, but I do have to remind myself that at least I did something that day.

But it's not all bad. I have decided on my basic work out goal. In the past I have always made my goal an unrealistic number, be it a dress size or a weight goal. Not this time though. My goal this time: A very good friend is getting married in August. I want to buy a dress for her wedding. Currently, when I wear a dress, I look like Curly from the 3 Stooges in drag. My goal is that for the wedding, I want to look like Larry from the 3 Stooges in drag.

For me, that is a realistic and achievable goal. Go me!

Kitty workout :-)

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Anger is an energy

One of the things that I do, and I know from talking to other women who struggle with weight issues they do it too, is we torture ourselves with negative self talk. I am lazy, I am stupid, fat=worthless. One of the things that I have learned after years of therapy is that, quite simply, none of those things are true.

Although I heard those things from others as a kid, as an adult I generally don't hear that kind of things from other people. But it does still happen occasionally; people actually still say those things to me that I have spent years trying to stop saying to myself. The difference now is in how I react to it. I'm not going to lie -- it still hurts just as much as it did when I was a kid. But now, after the initial hurt, I get angry, and the more I like myself the quicker I get angry.

There is a great line from the song "Rise" by PiL: "Anger is an energy!" I love the song, but haven't listened to it in a long time (it just happens to be the Right Now! song of the day above.) Anyway, it popped into my head recently after someone said something to me that is usually the kind of thing I only hear from myself. I'm not going to repeat it here, it's not important, but what is important is that, yeah, I cried for a while, but then I put on my iPod and got on with my life. I had too much to do to sit in a corner self-flagellating. Instead, I used the energy in a positive way.

And that is what moving on is about for me -- liking myself enough to recognize that someone else is being a jerk, and being able to get past it quickly and in one piece.

Your mission for this week, if you choose to accept it -- if someone hurts you -- put on your iPod and dance. You don't deserve anything less.

Just a reminder...

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(Belated) Friday Goals

My goals for this weekend were:

• Go kayaking -- We made it closer this time. We actually made it all the way to the river. Unfortunately there were very strong winds and a small craft advisory. I am neither a strong kayaker nor swimmer and we decided against attempting to go out. Once again, we will reschedule this trip.
• Work on the crabs -- I spent a lot of time on this. It's going well.

It wasn't particularly a goal, but I did get David to sign up at the gym with me. Back home I had a gym buddy (hi, Jeff!) and it really makes a difference having someone to drag me out and having someone who I am responsible for dragging out as well. Tomorrow is supposed to be our first day. I shaved my legs (so I can wear shorts) and charged my iPod, so I am already for it!